feeling super down...

i dunno y i'm feeling so sad... i jus feel like crying my heart out...

so many things have happened recently. both happy and sad things... suddenly i feel that i dun exactly know the people around me... i guess i'm not as close as i think i m to my frenz... it hurts to c a really close fren being so sad, but i cant bring myself to ask... dun think i'm meant to know... but it hurts my heart... it hurts jus as bad to realise certain events only after it had happened... when noone ever said anything how m i supposed to know? *haiz* maybe it's all my fault...

i tell myself there's nth to worry abt, and there's nth i can do... but it doesnt stop the unease in my heart... sometimes i jus feel like giving up the exams... how can i try to study while i know she's in pain? how can i fuss abt idiot stuff like transformers when all i want is to be with her, make sure she is nt lost in the hosp, understands what the docs r talking abt, is taking her medicine on time, eating her meals on time, getting enuff sleep... i jus hate myself!

i dun like being hall alone either... it makes me feel so lonely i feel like crying all i can... i feel like using up all the tears i have so tat i will nv have to cry again... sometimes i wish i can find someone to cry to... i guess i'm tried trying to kip the "happy sheya" in front of everyone... but i dun like the idea of spoiling everyone's mood...

- jus let me cry... it'll be over soon -

exam alert!

Examz in LESS than TWO weeks!!! jiayou everyone!!
jiayou to those having their examz earlier den mi too! esp to claris n joyce darling... JIAYOU!

ok... bin missing in action for very long again... sorry sorry... bin lazie n my lappie went for a holiday at eight flags again... haha... den after it came back it lost all its memory so i have bin busy looking for ways to help it regain its past memories... ok... i m jus crapping... it got a new harddisk liaoz... dunno to be happy or sad, but at least i have got back most of my stuff so it's ok... =)

cant wait for examz to be over! (it has nt even started!) i am gonna start camping in hall from tonite onwards.... oh tt means ANOTHER FOUR WEEKS before i go home! i duno if i can tahan tt long... i cant imagine mi eating FOUR whole WEEKS of canteen food... ARGHhhhhhh... ahhhhhhh.... help mi! (pss.. i jus spent quite some $$ stocking up food... choc, sweets, biscuits, cup mee... i dun think i will die out tt fast! hee hee)

okok... i shldnt be wasting time here act... but feel so sianz hall alone so i decided to come complain... gotta go off to MUG for tmr's quiz (quiz again!) so tada! buaiz n wish mi luck! =)

Woo Hoo! back in Action!

yo ho! yiing complains i m still stuck at CNY! hahaz.. okok.. so here i m.. FINALLY updating my dearie blog.. haven bin blogging... almost forgot how to log in! haha..

NTUCO concert was a WOO HOO! FULL HOUSE! *phew* lucky me.. thanks to everyone who made the MirAcLe Happen! thanks to my darling eLaIne and my dear sis for cuming to support! =) next up: NTUCO Beijing trip in July! =) cant wait cant wait!!! *SL! miss ya alot woo...* hee hee...

my darling Xuan oso leaving for switzerland soon... sob sob... *jealous* can u pack mi into your luggage so tt i can go too?! =) hee hee... okok... i'll miss u! *muacks* *muacks*

CO has bin taking so much of my time tt i almost got no life... FINALLY concert is over (FULL HOUSE!) and guess wad? it's time for quizes quizes plus... the huge EXAMx! haiz... sigh...time to start mugging le lor.. jus realised exams iz.. 4 weeks away... haiz... everyone, JIAYOU! =)

i cant wait to go out with everyone again after this irritating busy period! darlings! must jio mi go out after exams k?! *muacks*! =)

HAPPY CNY!

yo! yeah~ very very long never blog le... almost forgot how to do it! wahahahaha... i know u all miss mi so much!!! *muacks*

HAPPY CNY!

i lurve cny hols really.. the only days i m "CO free" and can sleep sleep sleep and eat eat eat... haha... hope u all enjoyed your cny too! =)

my days r still like usual... packed with CO CO and more CO... so everyone! March 4th (sat), 730pm, Singapore Conference Hall... $10 per tix! buy more buy more! (ps: watashiwa is ticketing officer ok... hint hint)

will still be really busy for all the weeks until after the CO concert i guess.. haiz... jiayou jiayou! i'll be drowned with quizes, lab report, ticketing booth, school visits, CO, more ticketing work etc... so pls pardon mi... will try to go out after the concert ok!? =) hee... in the meantime... buy tickets from mi!!! wahahahaha...

yah... i'm really missing the usual ktv sessions and yummy food we all go out to eat together... (jus ate like siao last nite at chomp chomp followed by late nite mahjong... *yawnz*) meet out soon, darlings! *muacks*

sick.. again...

*sneeze* *sneeze* *cough* *cough* *sniff* *sniff*

haven blogged for like forever... have been too busy (or lazy) to read others too.. sorry sorry... m so utterly sick... =( and have been sick all the while... esp since mid dec... food poisoning followed by sore throat and now cough cough --> cough + flu ---> cough + flu + fever... okok... paiseh nth but complaints... but life has bin bad...

too much CO and too little rest. too much sickness and too little play. haiz... m now waiting for 2pm to come so i can go visit the school doctor... haven bin sleeping well for the past two nites... tues nite was spent coughing away violently and last nite i was so cold i think i almost froze to death... =( fever last nite + long long comm meeting + heavy rain... (almost killed mi..) haiz all the bad things all happen at the same time. sob... sorry darlings this whole post is nth but complaints... but perhaps this will continue till after the NTUCO concert... the ticketing comm is taking up way too much of my time too haiz...

oh yes darlings.. can PLEASE buy tickets from mi??? PLEASE~~~ will be held at Singapore Conference Hall on 4th March, 730pm. tix at $10. desperately nid to sell tickets... try ya best k??? muacks!

BINTAN paradise!!!

YO!!!!! I M BACK!!!!

yah yah... I noe u all miss me LOTS while i spend my last weekend in BINTAN!!! whaahahahahaz... I LOVE BINTAN! nice sea, nice beach, nice hotels + service, nice LOBSTER, nice mangroves(?), nice SUITE room and most importantly nice darlings xuan and elaine!!!

even though it's a rather short(very) trip, i really enjoyed myself there!!! spent abt S$300 (wow!!) so now i m in the "recuperation period" - no more shop shop eat eat... hahaz... let's c how i spent such a wonderful time in BINTAN!!!

sat 3rd dec

woke up at 630am (yawnz)... ferry left sgp at 915am, reached bintan abt 55min ltr... but cos of the time diff, it's STILL 9plus... hahaz... so this 3 young sgp gals arrived at NIRWANA RESORTS HOTEL and were really sad tt we can check in only fr 3pm... haiz... so we checked out the tours we had in mind... Tanjong Uban and Mangrove tour... n realised (to our horror!) that... 1. mangrove tour all fully booked for the day! so we booked the tour for the nex day... 2. Tanjong Uban tour fully booked for the day... n if we go for the tour the nex day we dunno wad to do for the rest of the day! hahaz... so we hired a taxi tour ($55 - Tanjong Uban, 4 hrs)... Taxi driver made us feel like real taitai'z!!! he chauffeured us ard,waited for us while we had lunch or went shopping and always opened the door for us to get in or out!!! and he brought us to a nice kelong seafood restaurant where we had BUTTERFRIED LOBSTER!!! yum yum.. i LOVE lobsters!

wow tt's alot of words... take ur time to digest... anw, we went back to the hotel at 3+ and then guess wad?! we got a free upgrade to SUITE room (cos the housekeeping staff were too slow... our rm was nt ready yet) and the 3 of us jus went GAGA... and started messing ard in the rm! hahaz... the rm was jus WONDERFUL! HUGE HUGE HUGE!!!! 4 poster BED! revolving TV! balcony with great seaview and huge cushion! nice huge sofa and armchair, dining table!!!! I LOVE MY ROOM!!!

then there's the jacuzzi pool (woooooooooo....) and believe it or not, there's a BAR in the swimming pool!!! so relaxing to sip some shirley temple or fruit cocktail while taking a break fr the swimming...

dinner was really romantic... but the funny thing is the 3 of us romancing tog... hahaz... but the food was really good anw.... cakes cakes cakes!

sun 4th dec

nice but HOT weather... after breakfast, we bathed (each taking turns in the wonderful bathtub) and checked out, den we headed for the mangrove tour!!! i really love the mangrove tour act... first time ever! the motor boat ride was exciting! the scenary was really beautiful and even though it was such a hot day, the sea breeze really cools u down and as we enter the mangrove swamps it gets more shady... elaine was jus so happy (and snappy... her camera nv had a chance to rest) to c all those mangrove trees and their roots... (oh wad can i say abt our ace geog undergrad...) while xuan likes the wind but finds the trees boring (she admits she's nt a nature person)... but I love the wind AND the wonderful scenery and the feeling of nature... (i tot i wld be freaked out.. u noe i'm darn scared of any creature tt can move..) well... i really loved the tour! first time ever i felt like i might like nature~ hahaz... but den again... most prob nope... hee...

the evening was spent relaxing (?!) with a wonderful body massage (ouch...) followed by a romantic (again?) steamboat dinner at the poolside restaurant... THAT was really yummy! =) i lurve steamboat!!

then we sorta took a nap at the hotel lobby while waiting for the bus to the ferry terminal... (yawnz... the massage was too wonderful.. and sleep inducing) we gt to the bintan ferry terminal at 730pm (bintan time) and then there was alot of delay before the ferry finally left... bad news was... the waves were really strong tt nite... *giddy* but elaine was worst hit... she was really sick by the violent "turbulence" (shld i call them tt?) but luckily we came back safe and sound (but pretty tired, sleepy and giddy...)

paiseh... i dun hav pictures to put up yet... and i can imagine i will be pretty Lazy to do so! hahaz... so there... i guessed i gave a pretty good breakdown of the wonderful BINTAN trip~~ for pictures, pls refer to darling elaine's blog.... =) when's the next bintan trip???

Bintan Bintan here i cum!!!

yay! tmr is THE DAY!!!

finally!!! bin waiting and waiting so long for this day... BUT... somehow i m feeling bit empty... nao dai kong kong de... how? i dunno wad to pack, i dunno wads the plan tmr... haiz... i dun feel like packing anything, i dun feel like doing anything tmr... i cant imagine myself catching the ferry early in the morning at 8plus!!!! have been waking up "early in the morning" at 12plus everyday.. and on LUCKY days, 11 plus... hahaz... wadeva... haiz... okok... i shld try to get my brain working and figure out wad's going to happen tmr... hahaz... =)

jiayou! 3 more to kill!

yes! left with 3 more papers to kill nex wk.. jiayou! cant wait for hols! =)

have been watching more than mugging (as usual...) there's so much to watch after hols!! er zuo ju zhi wen + hana yori dango (meteor garden - the new jap version!) + lv guang sen lin + yummy yummy + chiong shang yun xiao + xin niang 18 sui... plus plus plus... tt's y haven been blogging... haha... watch watch watch...

going bintan on 3th and 4th! (yay!) but will be missing out on yan yan's b-day party! =( haiz... nelles - enjoy urselves without mi den! (*pouts*)... i cant wait to go ktv after exams! hee hee... but seems like everyone finish earlier than mi! (sobz..) okok... go ahead without me.. but make sure u all "pu chang" and go again with mi! hee hee...

cant wait to watch harry potter too! hee hee... maybe after elaine end her exams. =) xuan's starting work! jiayou gal! bintan bintan bintan! =) okok.. i ought to get back to maths - prob and stats (sianz...) until fri i'll be FREE! jiayou jiayou jiayou!

miss ya, xiao laopo!! *muacks* miss the brainies too!! *muacks* *muacks* *muacks*

mugging season!

yo!!! bin so long since i blogged! hahaz... my lappie is back! SAY HI TO LAPPIE~~~~

hahaz... 8 flags suck lah, everyone! they only bothered to call ONCE... and if u happen to miss the call, GOOD LUCK! up to u to guess when ur lappie is fixed and go bother them! argh! *bish bish!*

haiz... the mugging season has begun, AGAIN... somehow this time round it seems more difficult to concentrate! and somehow i feel like i don't have the time at all! It's less than a week to my first papers (2 on the 9th) and out of the 7 papers i have, i have like 2 more files of psycho stuff to read (tt's my first paper) and not yet done any tutorials or looked at past yr papers for ALL the rest of the subjects, in fact i haven't even touched my data structure at all! *faintz* so much to do and so little time!

tried many venues to mug mug... went NUS to mug last tues! NTU muggers! try out the NUS central library! and their Munchie Monkey cafe is cool too! =) my gosh... NUS has SO MUCH SPACE lor! unfair! NTU shld have more tables in LWN library or library 2! wat we have is pathetic compared to theirs! and even their cafe is huge! *envies* oh, also went MP Library on sat... and i dun really like it~ spent my time staring at my notes blankly and yawning all the way... was really sleepy~ cos went for breakfast with Sylvia! hahaz... but breakfast was emmm.. at 1030~ hahaz... wadeva~ i cant exactly mug at home leh... haiz... somehow i cant concentrate with the lappie! hahaz... but den... m in hall rite now and m using lappie~~~ hahaz... anw... tt's y i decided to come back hall~ n attempt mugging... BUT~~~~

my idiot sis (shhh... she bz tokking on the fone rite now! can tok bad abt her! hahaz) decided to come to my hall... cos she wants to use internet! argh~ so someone come to fight with me for my lappie... and then keep distracting me~~~ haiz... i came back on tues nite, started the first set of notes and wed whole day STILL at that set of notez... and today... i haven finished it yet! argh! with my sis ard i cant mug! cham lah~ *bang head* i realise i cant concentrate with anyone talking ard me~ i will jus tend to listen to the conversation... tt's why i m taking so long to blog... cos i keep listening on my sis's fone tok~ haha.. i guess i better shoo her out asap! hee hee...

haiz... attempts at mugging are really almost fruitless! *bang head* argh~ HELP!!!

Also realised i really read very LITTLE... or shld i say minimal?! haha... cant wait for after exams... gonna read read read! Elaine made me so interested to read Memoirs of a Geisha! the movie is coming out soon! (Jan 19th i guess) somehow seems like everyone has read it before~ except me tt is... okok~ m jus a mountain tortoise~ only read comics... (read 3 books yesterday! cos my sis brought 3... u see! DISTRACTIONS!!)

okok~ bored u all with all my mugging talk~ i oso think it's sianz! hahaz... okok~ back to erm... games first, den books! hahaz... Jiayou to all the muggers!!! =)

Lappie! where r u????

YAY! finally gotta Blog!!! Lappie now at 8 flags!!! hospitalised for fan faulty.. since MONDAY! i wonder how long i need to wait!!! argh~~ met Sylvia darling on the way to hall... so changed plan n go JP instead! =) miss ya!!! must come out again after exams! =) had a fun nite wif roomie n angeliney~ yum yum... mos is gd~~ hee..

met brainies for dinner on tues! FINALLY! hahaz... i miss u gals!!!! *muacks mUACKS* i lurve being wif ya all!!! =) somehow i jus cant stop luffing with you gals! u all nv fail to make mi feel SOOO happie~ hee hee... vj days are the best days of my life actually... =) really!! because of u 3! *muacks!* i miss the days we will all catch the same bus early every morning (oops... maybe i was late too often..). i miss the days we all wait for each other after school jus to go home together. i miss the days we all go for harmoc together. i miss the days we hang out at ECP cycling and blading. i miss the days we eat and eat and eat at parkway. I MISS YOU GALS!!!

Somehow being with u all make me really happie! i am so grateful that i have u 3 in my life.. =) LOVE YA!!! pss clare... maybe the 4 of us shld really jus get married to each other!!! wahahahahahahaha.. but den.. my renfu~~ hmmmx.. haha... n joyce's bae yong joon *pss.. i cant rmb how to spell his name correctly*.. hahaz... i can imagine the 4 of us living together... SO COOL! =)

planning a BINTAN trip in dec wif xuan and elaine! =) darlings we shall enjoy ourselves! i better start saving $$ now... broke!!! sobz... lots and lots of money required!!! esp if i wanna go China wif CO nex june/jul... haiz.. jiayou bah! save save save! i hope i wont have to eat too much oreos this time! haha...

k lah.. so late le... feel bad using roomie's deskie (aka desktop) for so long... cos was talking to xuan and elaine abt the bintan thingy... this time we are REALLY gg! nt jus all tok n no action! =) hee hee... okok... time to zzzzz... nitez!!

被需要的感觉。。。

wooo~ v long nv cum blog le!! (can c can c~~ hahaz)... bin watching so much ou xiang juz... wang zi bian qing wa, er mo zai shen bian, er zuo ju zhi wen, er nan zai ji dian... plus all those 56 shows... wa lau~ even my lappie is complaining! it gives out loud n wierd noises now!! ahhhhhh!!! how??! sobz...

somehow haven been feeling decent lately... jus not happy... birthday was cool... thanks to nellers for cuming over! =) thanks to esther and sylvia... i lurve ktv with u gals... but din have chance to meet up with elaine n xuan and the brainies... m really missing u all!!! muackz!!! lurve ya lotz, darlingz!!! haiz... to make matters worse, it seems like exams are approaching!!! n there's ntuco concert stuff to busy soon... dec hols seem so near yet so far... dec has in stall 2 trips to malaysia... maybe i'll jus pick one~~ nt tt rich... hee...

haiz... guess i know why i m feeling down... maybe i've watched too much shows... sorta feel detached from the real world le... sort of wish i m in the show... tt world seems more fun and less troubles... haiz... told ya i watched too much le... somehow in this real world i feel like i m... not exactly needed... haiz... i guess i dun make a difference...

darling joyce: HaPpIe BiRtHdAy!!! *muackz!!*

happie birthday to me~

hmmmx... suddenly feel like blogging... even though mi act no much time to blog! hahaz... this week is so busy... CO, CO, quiz quiz quiz, CO again... tmr mi got one quiz plus one performance... sianz... n i pon my lessons (oops) so tt i can cum back hall now to slp... last nite piah wang zi bian qing wa till 430am orh... yawnz... tmr quiz quiz so i better get some slp first... so blog fast fast!!!
hee hee...

m really missing the brainies.. when are we going to meet???? ~sigh~
haiz... how cum i have no feeling of happiness as i usually do on the 23rd of Sept every year? i was really looking forward to becoming 20... n it is jus going to happen tmr... but... y do i feel so... like it's no big deal??? jus another yr... haiz... wad is happening to mi???? i m wierd.... will have CO for b-day though... dunno happy gt ppl to pei or sad... i m missing home... even though in the past yrs i never really spend bdays at home.. hahaz.. i told ya i m becoming wierd... i dun even know myself now... sometimes i jus cannot really smile from my heart... haiz...

ok... everyone gonna think i m getting really depressed le... hahaz.. no lah.. m ok... i m now siaoz over wang zi bina qing wa! hee hee... i lurve mingdao and shaowei! =) esp mingdao's character is so sweet.. like a real prince.. so sweet and cute! if only someone liddat appears in my life... i'll jus GRAB! hee hee... everyone! must watch must watch! he's really cute esp when he was "done-oh"... *meltz*

joyce asked mi wad i want for bday today... hee hee... i noe everyone buy bday presents till siaoz le... hahaz... okok... act i dun really mind wad u all get for mi... =) i like the company more... hee.. but i dun mind new bag / wallet / earrings, accessories / jacket / GOLD BAR!!! (ooi stop offering me choc gold bars... i prefer dark choc thank u very much...) hahaz...

ok... i better go slp... but i really feel like watching some more wang zi... *meltz* mingdao so cute~~~ wan an~ tonite nid ta mug mug mug le!!!

when a prince turns into a frog...

I CANT C MY BLOG!!! sob sob... i dunno if it is ntu intranet prob (again) or my own ie prob~~ argh... anyhow i cant load my blog now... even though i can c other pages perfectly fine... haiz

hope it is ok soon... i cant really stand this.. hahaz... anw... mi m addicted to wang zi bian qing wa!!! omigawa~ ming dao is jus so cute!!!! =) n got shao wei too!!! so nice so nice!!! the show is super funny too! hee hee... k lah... back to watching my ming dao~~~

Blame me for all you want.. I dun think anyone will bother to listen to me anyway…

I dun think it is my fault… it is jus a small favor, and I dun think it is unreasonable. I guess you ppl wont understand… U dun understand how it is to feel disrespected and insignificant… I am nt meaning tt i am so super impt tt u all cant have fun without me, but I am really upset by the way u ppl take mi for granted… wad do u think i am???

it is nt abt the ride… it is abt how we were rejected and rejected and rejected until i m really sianz to go… n only AFTER we said nt gg THEN u all finally say ok… n now i say no nid, i m nt going, the whole world seems to think it is my fault, i m such a petty, lazy, inconsiderate sucker.. fine! Go ahead… turn ur backs on me… I am really upset too, nt jus u!

有些事是一定要说出来的。。。 撇在心里很难受。。。

我真的很寂寞。。。brainies I miss ya lotz n lotz… thnx to xuan n elaine… thnx for all ya company… thnx to sylvia n esther, thnx for being there all these years… lurve all ya lotz…

busy busy

just back from JP abt 1hour plus ago... tired! but had fun! this is a busy week... quiz quiz, CO, CO, performance... everyone's so busy! n the ironical thing is i think i will b MORE busy in the one week holiday den i am now~~ haha... one week got 4 days of seeing the CO ppl... after the break got double quiz, performance, n double b-day (believe it or not... there's someone born on the SAME DAY SAME MONTH AND SAME YEAR as mi in CO now! *faintz* liddat i nid to share my birthday! *sniff sniff*)

i miss ya all, brainies!!! n i miss sylvia and esther already, after jus meeting last sunday to celebrate esta's bday! hahaz... i miss ktv too (after jus singing on sunday! hahaz)!!! Nellers & Associates KTV??? =) hmm.. maybe nex monday b4 CO?

~~la la la la la~~

sighz

haiz... finally find time to blog~ hahaz... NTU 50th Anniversary concert over~ tired~~ was a great performance! thanx all who came! =)

hmmm... sorry brainies.. i think my last post got u all too worried~ hahaz... dun worry... was emm... jus feeling bit left out n lonely sometimes... miss ya all lots... when's our brainies outing gonna b? =) sorry gals... this week seems like lots of us are busy... haiz... must meet up another day! miss ya~ muacks

~sigh~ thought over quite a bit recently.. i have come to realise many things... sometimes i really wish i have to courage to accept the facts.. sometimes i really wish i can jus let go and stop torturing myself... i'm learning... and i think i can do it... no matter how painful it is... i wont continue to hope~

i wish and i want to be... who i want to be.

wad if...

what if u think they are the most important ppl in your world,
but they dun even think u r important?

i dun care if the world hartes me...
i hate the world.

sick sick ~ cough cough ~

ahhhhhh! Junyang is out! and xinhui is out! wad the****~~~ so sad!!!! tot Junyang v gdlooking orh! yue kan yue shuai xing... =) n xinhui's performance was really impressive (minus the dress sense)... cant believe tong qing piao is so li hai! argh!!!!

haiz... anw, m back at home, cos was darn sick... so went to c the sch doc... hmmm... BUT the sch doc gave mi some lousy flu tablets (tt i take alot of times b4, and often dun work), some dunno wad tablets for throat (i think), vitamin C(oh pls...) and cough syrup(but he say dun take unless got flam)... n to top it off, doc said if u happen to cough out thick green flam, pls cum back and c him again and he will gimme antibiotics then... oh gosh... dun tell mi i must go see him again before i get well!!! *faintz*

was really darn sick since monday... it progresses steadily worse daily... sore throat > sore throat + flu > flu + fever > flu + cough... so i was really dying during comm meeting on wed nite.. hahaz.anw... m pretty much ok now, after quite a bit of resting... (yesh! i noe i m supposed to be off the comp n sleeping n resting more) hee hee... still quite angry(?) abt the tong qing piao thingy... m REALLY thinking junyang looks gd! hahaz... too bad... the world is never fair...

wishing for a miracle

i wish i can tell someone...
i wish my miracle will happen...
i wish i had more confidence...
i wish i had more luck...
i wish... i wish for jus the slightest hint...

s e l f i s h. m e.

I cant seem to put that thought outta my mind... I am so guilt-stricken...

I wish I have more courage.. I wish for some special powers... I dunno why but I have this FEAR for any creatures esp those that can fly... moths, kakars, flying ants, beetles, dragonflies... wadeva u name.. I freak at the sight of them... I hate myself for acting like a baby... but I can't control myself.. I am disgustingly timid... yucks... i guess the ppl ard mi are jus utterly sick of mi and my stupid screams and cries... I hate it too... They dun kill, i noe. I am so much bigger, I noe. but... I dunno y i react tt way...

Being in the C.O. comm seems not as exciting as I had thought it would be... I feel so guilty for rejecting their offer for the post of FC and creating so much trouble for them, creating so much unhappiness for the ppl I am really grateful to know... jus because I am afraid of facing the SAO ppl... jus because I tot being the SL will be more slack... jus because I am so selfish... now I dont even have any confidence that I can be a decent SL... for those who dun already noe, I SUCK at playing my own instru.. how to even lead the others? I dont even deserve to be one of them...