I cant seem to put that thought outta my mind... I am so guilt-stricken...
I wish I have more courage.. I wish for some special powers... I dunno why but I have this FEAR for any creatures esp those that can fly... moths, kakars, flying ants, beetles, dragonflies... wadeva u name.. I freak at the sight of them... I hate myself for acting like a baby... but I can't control myself.. I am disgustingly timid... yucks... i guess the ppl ard mi are jus utterly sick of mi and my stupid screams and cries... I hate it too... They dun kill, i noe. I am so much bigger, I noe. but... I dunno y i react tt way...
Being in the C.O. comm seems not as exciting as I had thought it would be... I feel so guilty for rejecting their offer for the post of FC and creating so much trouble for them, creating so much unhappiness for the ppl I am really grateful to know... jus because I am afraid of facing the SAO ppl... jus because I tot being the SL will be more slack... jus because I am so selfish... now I dont even have any confidence that I can be a decent SL... for those who dun already noe, I SUCK at playing my own instru.. how to even lead the others? I dont even deserve to be one of them...
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