another long period of absence

I wanted to blog about my Taiwan and HK trips, but somehow the blogging never started. The HK photos are still "in the midst of uploading to FB". It's not easy to filter 2,800 photos from 2 cameras after all. Pei Shi and I really made full use of our digital cameras. =P

After many months of absence from blogging, my life is, sadly, very much the same as before. Tonight, after watching my daily dose of drama (currently Secret Garden in Korean), I finally gave my blog a little makeover and start to type the first entry after months of missing in action. There's just too much I want to grumble, but I guess those are too mundane and un-interesting. So, I shall tell the story of how I failed my TP test last week (sigh) to whoever has not heard it yet. The story goes like this...

1. Slope > handbrake refused to be released. yaya struggled (both hands) with the handbrake for 5 min while the tester looked on. When the handbrake finally went down, all confidence disappeared and the hands feel numb.
2. Directional change > Tester: your front wheel touched the kerb. yaya: no feeling at all.
3. Parallel Parking > Parked, pulled handbrake, struggled with handbrake for another min, banged kerb while moving out
4. Vertical Parking > Parked too close to the right, did not pull handbrake this time round, but as I turned right out of the lot, the rear right wheel gently mounted the kerb (that's a tick in the full circle)
5. Driving outside> Tester: your outside driving is ok. Practice more in circuit and come back and try again.

Yaya knew all was lost when she finally released the handbrake at the slope. I just didn't expect my circuit to be THAT bad. Sigh. I was probably too gan jiong or too suay. Now totally no mood to even book retest date. Haiz.

6. After test, the sore throat before the test developed into flu, then fever (with accompanying MC), and finally a cough.

Still recovering from No. 6 (physically) and No. 5 (emotionally).

烦！

yaya always wanted to blog, but when I open the window, I just don't know what to say.
Maybe it's because I'm getting so old that I'm too sad to blog.
Maybe I'm too emo and I don't want to spread the emo feeling all over this blog.
There are just too many questions I'm firing at myself internally, and I'm not getting any answers.
There are just so many things I hate about myself and I can't resolve this internal conflict.

I'm vexed...
And There's No Way Out.

feeling lost...

yaya can't help it but feel really empty at times...
I've lost motivation, and never had any direction.

I know life's unfair, and I'd accept it, cos I can't change how others' lives work out. I want to change mine, but I never got down to it and it didn't go the way I wanted it to.

Life goes on, whether someone enters your life or leaves from yours. I knew it all along, but I'm afraid to see it happening again, though it has happened again and again.

Knowing what I don't want to do but not knowing what I want to do is getting me nowhere. I don't know how to continue and I'm waiting for some heavenly intervention which may or may not happen.

I've lost patience and I'm starting to believe somethings will never happen. I'm getting scared... of things I cannot see or feel.

Life's never fair.

24 days more~~~

yaya is counting down to the day I leave for Taiwan!
'cos there's nothing else to look forward to. (minus the goodies from online shopping I'm waiting for...)
I'm yearning for a day or two off work... and I'm so tempted to take leave! *argh*

YJ says my mood for the day ranges from "tired" to "very tired" to "super tired". I think it can summarized in just one word : "exhausted".

rumblings...

This place is becoming largely dead... As with its owner... haha~

Not the latest I've discovered about myself... But I now know how lazy I can be.
Many weekends have passed (I gave up counting) since I told myself I should start to exercise.
My clothes are lying everywhere but in the wardrobe, and it's a challenge to find something to wear every day before I leave the house.
My Jap is growing rusty, though I did try to revise sometime 3 weeks ago (forgot most by now).
I'm really interested to learn (a) driving, (b) keyboard, (c) guitar. Maybe after I'm back from Taiwan.
The Taiwan trip is one month away, and the itinerary is still "in progress" of becoming complete. Argh...

Work's piling as if I've been on leave forever. Everyday I learn to do "magic" - I'm supposed to produce something that should have been done some 12 months ago. I really wish I'm on leave forever and ever. Mondays are the dreadest ever... The last Monday I survived... I was in office till 11pm with no dinner, no aircon in office, lack of sleep and lots of leftover work for Tues and probably the rest of the week. *sigh* Fridays have lost their charm, and Paydays are now no longer marked in my biological calendars. Sunday Nights come with servere disappointment and withdrawal symptons - I tend to refuse to sleep until well past midnight. Oops... Just realised that's what I'm doing right now.

Still recovering from the lack of sleep last night. Luckily tonight YJ pei wo go watch movie ("Date Night" is pretty funny... good for a relaxing Tuesday night out!). At least I had something to look forward to on a tired Tuesday~ haha.

What I learnt today? The world is small...

hiding from reality...

I admit I've been real lazy... That explains why this space is almost dead... again. (lol)

I'm losing interest in too many things. Nothing seems meaningful anymore...
Sometimes I wish I can just be the irresponsible girl which I've been locking up deep inside myself.
Sometimes I wish I can stop dreaming and get back down to earth.
Sometimes I want to stake all my money (i hate gambling!) and get huge profits without deserving it.
Sometimes I really hate myself (why?).
Sometimes, I just want to hide in the black hole and never come out.